


Elias' computer

by begaydocrimes10001



Series: Martin Left The Institute [2]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Please Kill Me, The Author Regrets Everything, Written on a Dare, author is sorry, each chapter is a different part of his computer, i hate myself so much, remember elias' computer?, so crack, why am i writing this, y'all better thank me, yeah here's more of that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28918989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/begaydocrimes10001/pseuds/begaydocrimes10001
Summary: Elias has a work computer, of course, as everyone living in the 21st century has. While he doesn't love this technology, it can be useful.a completely safe for work fic about what the hell this victorian twink has on his computer.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Martin Left The Institute [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120988
Comments: 17
Kudos: 52





	1. Elias' basic computer files/the divorces

**Author's Note:**

> SO I MADE ELIAS' COMPUTER AND A FRIEND DARED ME TO MAKE AN ENTIRE WORK CENTERED AROUND IT.  
> I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.  
> can technically be read without knowledge of my previous story, but it's more fun if you've read both.  
> Again, I am so, so, so so SO sorry.

**COMPUTER FILES:**

**\- Divorces 1-3**

**\- Divorces 4-7**

**\- Divorces 8-?**

**\- records of previous eyes/end of word monologue**

**\- Blackmail for current employees**

**\- Blackmail for ex-employees**

**\- Contact lenses buyer info**

**\- Hair dye amount**

**\- potential avatars to kidnap Jon**

**\- Insults for Peter**

**\- Insults for Simon**

**\- Caramelldansen/potential songs to blast from panopticon.**

* * *

**\- Divorces 1-3**

  * **First divorce- Peter insulted my hair. Solution: hair dye.**
  * **Second divorce- I told Peter that his idiotic ritual failed because it was idiotic. Solution: none. I am completely right about this.**
  * **Third divorce- Peter told me that I spend too much of his money on eye jewelry. Solution: none. The eye jewelry is perfect.**



**- Divorces 4-7**

  * **Fourth divorce- Peter didn't agree to isolate Jon before he joins. Solution: Steal his stupid sea captain hat.**
  * **Fifth divorce- I got him a plastic smiley face ring for our now cancelled re-marriage. Solution: None, as this was purposefully done to piss him off.**
  * **Sixth divorce- I "accidentally" tossed his stupid sea captain hat overboard while on his ship. Solution: Buy an actually good hat for him.**
  * **Seventh divorce- Peter tossed his baseball hat with a giant eye overboard. Solution: None, as he has greatly offended me.**



**- Divorces 8-?**

  * **Eighth divorce- Big Boy Man. Solution: none.**




	2. Browser History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wonder what Elias searches up in his free time?  
> if you do, GET HELP!  
> but you can read this to get rid of your curiosity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have gotten the curse of writing this fic and I WILL force everyone to see this monstrosity.

**Recent history:**

**\- Hats to buy**

**\- Hats with eyes on them to buy**

**\- Eye necklaces**

**\- Eye earrings**

**\- Nearest divorce lawyer**

**\- What is a "meme"**

**\- Green wallpaper**

**\- Green eye wallpaper**

**\- Wallpaper with eyes on them**

**\- Is murder legal in any forms?**

**\- How to best kill someone**

**\- How to erase search history**

**\- What is a browser**

**\- What is a Google**

**\- Grimauldi's circus**

**\- Number of Grimauldi's circus**

**\- People with trauma**

**\- Recently traumatized people**

**\- How do I find recently traumatized people**

**\- Cane**

**\- Annabelle Cane**

**\- Annabelle Cane's number**

**\- 631 332 4563 is my number Elias**

**\- oh fuck off annabelle**

**\- Just trying to help**

**\- What to do if you find something living under your institute**

**\- Nearest place to buy pipes**

**\- How to frame someone for murder**

**\- Grey hair dye**

**\- Jonathan Sims**

**\- Jonathan Sims' past**

**\- How to isolate someone**

**\- How to bring up someone's trauma**

**\- Cake to buy for a good job**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any ideas?? comment them!


	3. The insults elias has been called/what he calls them back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> elias is a petty bitch, we all know this.  
> So how is it manifested?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so @Aegopodium on my other fic, Well I Just Fell For You Right There (read it if u haven't thank u) commented elias was, "a bourgeoisie bastard" and, with their permission, I used that insult, and now BOOM chapter idea.  
> let's do this.

**Insults I have been called/potential comebacks**

  * Self Entitled Heathen by Mordechai Lukas. Comeback: calling him a stupid idiot.



  * Unthinking, Foolish Bastard by Barnabas. Comeback: none.



  * The Man To End Us All by Robert Smirke. Comeback: none, as I consider this a compliment.



  * Pretentious Short Twink by Simon Fairchild. Comeback: calling him a Silly Fool, which he just giggled at and then he flew away. 



  * Bitchass Eye Stealer by James Wright. Comeback: stealing his other eye.



  * Obsessive Maniac by Gertrude Robinson. Comeback: hiding her pens for a week.



  * Annoying Prat by Elias Bouchard. Comeback: planning to steal his eyes/stealing his eyes.



  * All-Seeing Bastard by Elias Bouchard. Comeback: planning a _very painful_ way to steal his eyes



  * Stupid Excuse For A Head Of An Institute by Elias Bouchard. Comeback: stealing his eyes without knocking him out.



  * Weed Eater by Gerard Keay. Comeback: calling his eyeliner "goth-like." However, he just laughed back and grinned, saying "that was the intention." So I stole his stupid bracelets.



  * Bourgeoisie Bastard by Gerard Keay. Comeback: hiding his lighter for months.



  * Evil, Vile Man by Jonathan Sims. Comeback: making him head of the Institute.



  * Informer Of The Birds by Timothy Stoker. Comeback: none, as I have no idea what that means.



  * Rat Helper by Sasha James. Comeback: none, as I have no idea what this means.



  * Gay AND Homophobic by Timothy Stoker, sung in tune. Comeback: removing official funds for Kayaking trips.



  * Stupid Tea-Hating Tory by Martin Blackwood. Comeback: endorsing Boris Johnson through money.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly love tragic stories, so barnabas and Elias as a relationship holds a very tiny place in my ships.  
> also I thought none other than Gerry Keay saying that genius line would be the best compliment to this amazing insult thank u again aegopodium.  
> Another chapter may happen soon enough- this is a great way for me to just make elias the stupidest bitch ever, so! ideas, if anyone would like to give them, are accepted!


	4. The avatar's contacts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elias has the contacts for fellow avatars, of course
> 
> how does he describe them???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMMM B A C K LETS DO THIS

**MY CONTACTS**

\- **Jude Perry**

**Desolation- don't let her touch your eyes.**

**\- Simon Fairchild**

**Vast- DON'T PLAY CARDS WITH HIM AGAIN HE'LL JUST SEND YOU INTO THE VOID.**

**\- Oliver Banks**

**End- only contact if in dire needs, as he said, quote, "Elias you're just the worst please don't talk to me." also, he's part of the End.**

**\- Annabelle Cane**

**Web- Elias, i'd prefer if you let me contact you instead/OH FUCK OFF ANNABELLE/Just trying to help**

**\- Jared Hopworth**

**Flesh- could be useful for Institute attack. A tad too annoying to regularly contact though.**

**\- Helen**

**Distortion- this is for if you're ever able to get a not changing number for her.**

**\- Nikola Orsinov**

**Stranger- Do Not Contact, besides kidnapping.**

**\- Mike Crew**

**Vast- preferable to Simon Fairchild if you need to kidnap Jon.**

**\- Jane Prentiss**

**Corruption- easier to just tell a worm what you need, but this is useful if you're in dire straits.**

**\- Mikaele Salesa**

**N/A- not technically an avatar, but could be very useful.**

**\- Manuela Dominguez**

**Dark- Incredibly annoying, but still. Useful.**

**\- Maxwell Rainer**

**Dark- Much easier to interact with, but still. Incredibly annoying.**

**\- Alice Tonner**

**Hunt- you have her blackmailed, AND very good for Jon kidnapping.**

**\- Peter Lukas**

**Lonely- For when Martin needs to be stolen/when you need to annoy him.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my ultimate indulgence fic so it'll be updated either sparingly or like, four days in a row.  
> Who knows? NOT ME!  
> but it'll be fun to do anyways


	5. carmelldansen/potential songs to blast from the panopticon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elias wants the new world to be enjoyable, of course.  
> So he needs some songs to play while everything dies around him, of course!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly don't even know anymore

**carmelldansen/potential songs to blast from panopticon**

**\- M whatcha say**

**\- Every breath you take**

**\- Everybody wants to rule the world**

**\- Aint no rest for the wicked**

**\- Knowing me, knowing you**

**\- Turn the lights off**

**\- The fine print**

**\- I need to know**

**\- Private eyes**

**\- Can't take my eyes off you**

**\- The fine print remix- that one Tim played at Sasha.**

**\- You are all I see**

**\- Body**

**\- Neighbour**

**\- I did it my way**

**\- We didn't start the fire**

**\- Wii theme**

**\- Kahoot theme**

**\- 100 bad days**

**\- carmelldansen**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> were half of these just chosen by title? yes, yes they were  
> the other half was b/c of the irony  
> next chapter- up whenever!

**Author's Note:**

> s o r r y
> 
> I might honestly continue this because it's fucking hilarious so if you have an idea you'd like to share, comment! nothing NSFW though


End file.
